Monday 18 January 2010

The Differences Between Men and Women

I came across this interesting set of insights and thought, it would be good to share. I am not sure who the author is, but all due credit to the person who wrote this in the first place...

Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us". This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.

Sex:
Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

Hats:
Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

Comedy:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eys and groan and wait it out.

Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Magazines:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's magazine also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Going out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...

Shoes:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.

Leg warmers:
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line".

Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.

Garages:
Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

Movies:
For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind". For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's face in "Public Enemy".

Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Low Blows:
Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt." The man doubles over and actually feels pain.

Directions:
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there", and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store".

Admitting Mistakes:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

Richard Gere:
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Nudity in Movies:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

David Letterman:
Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth. Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

Cameras:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4,000 for state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Politics:
Men love to talk politics, but often they forget to do political things such as voting. Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room--sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.

Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party".

Cheerleaders:
Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American. Male cheerleaders are scary.

Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictues of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession wih toys. As they older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six "D" batteries to operate.

Plants:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

Mustaches:
Some men look good with mustaches. Those men are Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.

Nicknames:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brew ridden evening, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.

Having laughed a lot, while reading this, I got to thinking that this stems quite clearly from the way we perceive. And may this continue to be the case, else life will get a bit too boring indeed.

Friday 14 August 2009

Weekend

While in some ways, I have still to get used to having a Thursday and Friday as a weekend instead of a Saturday and Sunday, a weekend that too a rare one where I am actually sitting at home and successfully managing to keep work out of my head -- whoohoo it is one to be enjoyed.

In the service industry, to which Advertising also belongs, there really isn't a time when you are not working. And that's fine too because being creative or an idea creator never has a fixed time and place. It can happen anywhere, anytime and under any circumstances. Equally those people who are called 'suits' in the industry parlance - those people who manage the client interface, are also on call every minute, for you never know when a situation arises which requires rapid response.

Considering that fact that the digital age has only made life faster and as complicated, as easy (a conundrum, if ever!), the word speed takes on new meaning every day. In management speak, time to market.

So, to all those lovely people out there who are working really hard to keep the rest of us happy and satisfied, I raise a toast. May the power be with you!

(hmm... thinking about power, that's probably another post)

Thursday 13 August 2009

Life moves in circles for sure...

There was a time, when I was in the ad industry. Then came the stint in the 'client side' so to speak. Now am back in the ad industry. It still is very stressful, but certainly also a lot of fun. Everyday brings new challenges and each day, one learns something new in dealing with the situations, the people and the place.

Sunday 26 October 2008

Wilderness - 1





Nature truly is magnificent. And this is embodied by the plethora of flora, fauna and foliage that makes the wilderness simply amazing.

I feel that I have been truly lucky to have experienced a part of such a reality, that sadly us humans are destroying mindlessly and may not last for ever unless we do make an effort (however little) to support its conservation. 

Many thanks to Karthik Ramachandran (do vis
it his
 blog: http://conservationofwildlife.blogspot.com/2008/10/small-blue-king.html), with whom I had
 embarked on this magical journey.

A lovely night drive brought us to Theni and then Khambam on the Tamil Nadu border, where we 
got our first glimpse of nature's bounty... 

The pictures I had taken early in the day say it all.












It was here that we also spotted the first set of birds, but the light was not so great as to get a good quality picture.

Having had some lovely tea, we moved up into the Western Ghats and oh boy...what a wondrous moment... totally misty and magical.

It was so ethereal, it was akin to stepping into a different place all together after the dry plains!

And as it were, it turns out that I have all the amateur beginner's luck! We in the trip ended up spotting some amazing birds and animals, which most people normally do not get to see like the grey hornbill and the nilgiri martens.

Continuing on, we finally reached our destination - Periyar (Thekkady) where we were to go deep into the forest. At this point itself, I managed to actually capture an Indian wagtail (as the nomenclature goes, the bird just keeps wagging its damn tail! all the time).

Coming across Bison/Gaur (wild buffalo), Sambar deer, elephants, boars at close quarters while trekking through the forest was an experience that I certainly do have some difficulty in 
describing. Though I really wonder, why nature created leeches!

Though I must say that it was all worth it! The sheer beauty is indescribable.

And the pictures say it all :)

If you would like to see all the pictures, do visit my profiles on Facebook or Orkut.

Here's hoping that the experience doesn't stop with just this! 

 

Sunday 13 July 2008

Tagged

This is for you: Anila. Since you have insisted outright that I do need to get tagged and it's tough to resist... given that I am doing this post after at least two weeks I must be good but not that good... I must agree resistance wears thin over a period of time ;)

So here goes...

I am : Anish. Rest of all the %#^&&*^@% I will let people who interact with me, fill in. LOL

I am not : sane?

I think : I am (borrowed from Shakespeare!)

I want : to be a bird... unlikely to be even a pilot... so will have to rely on Google earth!

I feel : I must, I suppose, else it is time to ask, can you see dead people?

I crave : Can't mention it here... too much A-rated stuff... LOL... but if I had to make a choice, it is happiness - nothing new here, who does not?

I search : for what I crave

I wonder : mostly on what could be, have been, is...

I regret : Sometimes, too much. Eventually there's no point in just looking back, and falling flat on your mug. I am learning.

I believe : In human capability

I hate : The feeling called frustration.

Here I end this tag... as doing the numbers thing is so tough... too much thinking to do... LOL

Saturday 5 July 2008

Random thoughts...

An interesting discussion I had with a friend recently, regarding thoughts rather than opinions on blogs, sparked this post off. This is a set of some thoughts... random thoughts. Agree? Disagree? or just don't care? Feel free to write whatever you feel about any of these thoughts.

I recently happened to get a forwarded video about a chap called Matt who's paid by a company to roam around the world (really, how lucky can you get???). Interesting and funny video, but what got some me a bit riled up was, what he has posted on his blog. Do visit the site http://wherethehellismatt.com and you can see his blog entries (check out Jan 2003). While there are some people who feel that he writes as he sees it, some believe that he is opinionated and a racist. My thought was, what is right and wrong in the whole debate that's going on? Is it right to be politically incorrect or is it wrong to call a spade a spade? Is it wrong to defend your feelings about your country and its culture and is it right to demean others in doing so? After all are we not all different yet similar?

I happened to later drift on to a blog by a lady from Aussie land. Very interesting posts she's got about some of the Indian 'customs' and 'traditions' and how it leaves her completely baffled. Like the 'arranged marriage' concept. An ancient tradition, that many a generation of Indians believe in, and this despite all the education, exposure and experience they may have had in their lives. Come to think of it, I too am equally baffled about some of the other traditions we have e.g. leaving the footwear outside the door. When we remove the footwear, our sweaty feet (with or without socks) actually collect more dirt from outside the door and spreads it on the floor on which we step. On the other hand, wiping the shoes on the door mat before entering will in most cases ensure that we do not carry any dirt in, but that would be disrespectful as our homes are like temples. Huh?

The other day, saw a picture of one of our top political leaders feeding a cow on the road. Feeding the cow is an important tradition in our culture. What I couldn't help noticing was that the cow and the person were standing on one of the main roads of that State, right in the middle of a rubbish pile full of peels, rotting food, discarded plastic bags and what not! Does our tradition not advocate public cleanliness? Does sense not advocate cleanliness to avoid spread of disease causing bacteria and of course the stench?

Moving on to relationships. I do believe that any relation between two humans is complex, even more so when the two are from different species. While it is all well and good to read, hear, experience and see the 'he says' and 'she says' angles, who is really right and wrong? Is there a right and wrong? Why is it that the very same thing which seemed so right months ago, now seem so worthless and pitiful to have agonized about? Is it about time? I just happened to see the movie - Holiday starring the very beautiful Cameron Diaz along with talented actors like Jack Black, Kate Winslet and Jude Law. If ever an optimistic movie about the romance between individuals who are unlikely to think of it in the first place, this is it. A playboy father who actually weeps, a sexually charged up successful businesswoman who can't cry, a push over production assistant and yet another push over music director - seem like typical characters, yet the passion that is in them comes out with the right sort of place, time and situation. While this may be a movie story, I think quite often, reel life is nothing but an exaggerated reflection of real life. So does it happen in real life? Does one come across that perfect individual who sweeps all other thoughts out of your head? Why is it that quite so often, a few months or years down the line, one has to work at it? Is there a companion meant for every person on this earth? I have my doubts, but I am willing to be proved otherwise :)

Which brings me to the thought of why do relationships fail? Is it about expectations? Is it about familiarity, breeding maybe not contempt, but maybe boredom? Is it about treading an unknown path?

In my own experience, I have have gone through times, today which, when I look back in one of those crazy flashback moments, seems difficult to believe that it was even actually possible to have felt all those intense emotions at that stage for 'that' particular individual. At the cost of sounding a bit brittle and possibly not so sweet, is there really true love (for want of another phrase)? It is something I am not yet in a position to comprehend or even believe wholeheartedly. It is not that one does not want to have a companion with whom one can share one's deepest fears and hopes and more, but just that it seems increasingly a tough goal to achieve. All one has to look at is the percentage by which divorce cases have gone up - 60% and these are legal situations, not to speak about the many relationships which do not even make it to the legal stage and keep being broken!

What a life!

Friday 4 July 2008

Price of populism?

Today's the Times of India, had an interesting article called 'Fear of Flying', which goes on to talk about how the growing airline industry is struggling as a result of the high Aviation Turbine Fuel prices, which is the result of some unrealistically huge tax structures practiced in India. Do check out the link (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Editorial/Fear_of_Flying/articleshow/3194392.cms) or alternatively just click on the title of this post.

My comment to the editor was, "It is a very complex situation made by catering to populist demands more than anything else. The air-industry is a business. Waiving [Rs.] 60,000 crores to debt-ridden farmers is a political move. As are so many other examples one can think of. The point is where is the funding going to come from? The centre and states have taxes as their main means of securing funding and the ethos goes that a few will pay for all.

Hence be it the salaried segment of people or the corporate who believe in making profits through honest means, will end up paying for all of those populist promises made in the electoral battlefield. What makes it even more interesting a twist is that it is the so called non-business oriented communist dominated states of Kerala and West Bengal apart from the lone Andhra Pradesh, who have begun to understand that a positive cycle would mean lower taxes, more volumes, better absolute realisation of monies for the state treasuries. When will the other states wake up?"

The point that I was trying to make here is that despite having some of the finest intellectuals running this amazing nation at the centre, they are hardly the majority - who are actually made up of people who have being given the 'job' of running the country on the basis of the very democratic voting process that's enshrined in our constitution. Considering that, the sheer numbers, i.e. votes, is provided by a large part of the Indian population pyramid, made up of people who somehow manage to survive on a day to day basis, where is the question of the educated and supposedly intellectually aware citizen actually making a difference by voting for and electing a responsible individual who will go on to serve the best interests of the nation? Fact is that most of our 'able' political leaders, in a very fragmented power play scenario, are in post based on the votes of just a fraction of the population whom she/he represents and to whom have been made a range of populist promises from loan waivers to clothing to electronic goods?

The summer of 1948 and the summer of 2008 has some vast differences. As a nation, then we were finally free and making our own decisions. As a nation, today we are poised to grow is the term. Are we going to only remain poised?

What are we really focusing on?

Are the words Trust and Faith , really just words or do they truly matter? These days, and most nights too, are really about nerve wrack...